What am I going to do?!

That was my first thought when I found out I was pregnant. I was on my way to turning the big dirty 30! At the time I was was in a very confusing situation with the person I was with. I had no idea of where we were going or what we were doing. An interesting place to be at 29 right? As I prepare to celebrate the matrimony of my college friends, I started to feel strange and then the night before the wedding, "something" told me to get up and go get a pregnancy test. It was 5 am and here I am running to Walmart to get a test to confirm my thoughts of being pregnant. At that moment, a week before my 30th birthday, I was going to be a Mom... I had no real feeling at first just a numb response of "ok I'm pregnant". I went to the wedding, and reception and annoyed now that I can't celebrate how I was expected to, I began to panic and wondered how I was going to tell my family and friends that I was going to have a child, and at the same time had no idea where her father was because we had just broken up. What am I going to do? What am I going to say? How do I explain me not drinking with my friends, not participating in the toast to the bride and groom with champagne? How do I explain why "life of the party Jen" wasn't being the life of the party ?What was I going to say?! My heart pounded with anxiety and worry. Paranoid with the thought of anyone even noticing anything different about me. Avoiding questions like the plague. I had no idea what to do. But my family being who they are in a way already knew, especially my father lol. But the love was always there and even with my friends, the support was there but I was still left with the remaining thought of "what am I going to do?" My next step was to call my ex to tell him that I was pregnant, and his response was "well I may as well tell you now that I am married..." WHAT?!!!!!!!!